Cargo Nets

It has been a YEAR since I have written my last blog entry.  HOW SAD.   Today I was sitting on the beach (we are on vacation) and I realized how I am not leaving behind our STORY for our children.  I use to be so good about blogging.  If my kid got a hair cut, lost a tooth, finger painted, said something funny... I blogged about it... w pictures to go along.  Now, I do not bring a camera ANY WHERE (unless I am getting paid for it) and Instagram has become my scrapbook (@anceletphoto) and a poor one, at that.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?
I am too busy.
Busy w a family... 4 children... all of which have different personalities and different interest, all of which when I am not working I want to spend time with... and most of that time is just being with them. Not creating a blog or writing or thinking of a something that would be cool or fun to share.  Just being.    I spend a lot of time working.  I spend a lot of the time at the pool (all 4 kids are on the swim team and we swim daily).  AND I do like to sleep at night.  So the blog... it's suffered.

But this morning I had this burden on my heart to share stories so that my children will know them.  So they can taste and see the Lord's goodness.  So that they will learn from the many mistakes we have made.  So they will know what I know about those who have gone before me.... So that when they are curious later in life, it will be written down (unless the WORLD WIDE WEB crashes).

I had many thoughts about the first story I would share with them... stories about childhood memories, stories about my parents,  stories of heart ache, stories of triumph.  How I met their father, stories from our 17 years of marriage... where do I begin?

I think I will start with my fear of heights.  When I was little I went to Tyrrell Elementary.  I loved school.  I usually had a goal to be the teacher's favorite.  Honestly, I don't know that I ever was.   I think I shared the title in 3rd grade w my friend, Melanie Moore, in Ms. Wright's class.  When I was in 1st or 2nd grade (can't remember which one) when I faced my first REAL TRIAL in life... and it happened during PE.  We would head outside to climb the dreaded CARGO NET.  I put that in all caps because it seemed LARGER THAN LIFE to me as a kid.  I seriously thought for sure I would die if I climbed to the top of that thing.   It didn't matter that all the other kids in my class would climb to the top and eventually climb over it.  It made me want to PUKE.  I felt like an ant and it seemed like a SKY SCRAPPER.  And Mr. Robinson (I may have just made up his name), the gym teacher wanted me to climb to the top of it.. and eventually wanted me to climb over it.  WHAT WAS HE THINKING?  Surely I would be the first to die on this very cargo net.  Was this torture?

I guess that I really freaked out because I am not sure what happened but before I knew it,  my teacher, Ms. Jackson (or Ms. Johnson if I was in 2nd grade... the teacher w all the bangle brackets) said to me "Tracie, today when all the kids, you will be going to special ed. PE".    "ok", I responded.  I had no idea what that meant, but I knew one thing - NO CARGO NET.
So I walked the streets w the children w special needs and we picked up leaves.  That was PE.  Picking up leaves.
Not sure how long I stayed in special ed PE.  I don't remember having any thoughts OR feelings about it.
In fact, I wish there was some GRAND ending to the story but there isn't.  Eventually I returned to PE with my class.  Eventually I climbed the cargo net.  I remember driving by the school sometime in the last 15 years and seeing that cargo net and laughing at how small it was.

I have had many "cargo nets" in my life.  Riding the Texas Cyclone at Astroworld was one of them.  That thing (roller coaster) made so much noise, had so many dips and was SO HIGH.  I remember I hated it and loved it all at the same time once I rode it.  Now, when we go to Dollywood, I ride every ride.  I don't love heights and I am NOT a thrill seeker... but I have learned it's much more fun riding the rides then sitting and waiting for those you are with to go and ride the rides.
Speaking at a women's retreat for college girls last year was another cargo net.  All those precious faces looking at me.... wanting to learn and leave w some golden nugget.  I was SO NERVOUS.  I lived through it.  I even enjoyed it.
Riding in airplanes.  I love it now.  I hated it for YEARS.  I remember one time going to Colorado w friends and having such bad gas on the plane because my nerves were so bad.  We got to colorado and got snowed into a one bedroom apartment.  There were 6 of us and the friend that we were visiting made 9 bean soup.  (Gas + 9 bean soup + small apartment = NOT GOOD).
Living through the death of both my mom and dad were huge cargo nets.  They were ones I saw coming and climbed for YEARS.   Those are ones I will never get over (the experience of) and I think I will always remember the sadness I felt during the climb.

Cargo nets ahead of me right now...
Avery's teenage years
Addie's dyselxia
Abel's adoption affects in the future (attachment and feelings of abandonment)
Aidan's career choice (ok... so I'm not really fearful about this currently but I have wondered what he will do when he grows up).

Trails look so much different when you look back on them.   The Cargo Net at Tyrrell Elementary didn't shrink.  It sure seemed like it when I drove by the school years later.  Growth is such a part of life.... and sometimes it's those very cargo nets that remind us that we have grown.  I want to spend more time "driving by old cargo nets" in life so I can remember the growing pains and the journey the Lord has had me on.

Thankful for those Cargo Nets...
Tracie